So I did a quick statistical calculation of how many people visit my BLOG.

Using advanced theoretical mathematics

With many estimated variables

And huge gaps in logic

The number I came up with was too large to fit on my TI-30Xa calculator.

This is the same calculator, by the way,

For which I paid about 20 bucks about 15 years ago

And which got me through two semesters of calculus.

It is NOT a graphing calculator, thank you very much!

So imagine my amusement when my daughter's high school sends home a note

Telling me that students enrolled in algebra II and/or Physics

MUST have a graphing calculator for those classes.

My first reaction was to call the school

And give them a piece of my mind

(Obviously they needed it)

But then, I thought about how it might go...

JimBob: "Hi. I'm obviuosly an idiot parent of a student at your school.

I must be an idiot because I'm too stupid to just accept the inanity

Of the notes you send home with my daughter.

But, if you could,

Please

Just explain to me

In small words (cuz, remember I'm kinda dumb)

Why is it that you are mandating that my daughter own a 200$ calculator

For classes that I did with a slide-rule back when I took them?"

(ed note - true story. My Physics prof in high school would give an extra 10% bonus to anyone who took his exams with a slide rule. So we all learned how to use one. It's all about the decimal place...)

(ed note 2 - this is the same Physics prof who was quietly retired when it was discovered that he had a thing for the females in his classes...he was easily in his 50s...they were easily in their teens...this explains how my girlfriend always got such good grades even though, when we studied together, she seemed to comprehend Physics about as much as I comprehend why anyone would vote Republican. I think she's living in a trailer park somewhere now...)

Imaginary response from the drone at the school:

(Insert condescending tone here)

Drone: "Sir, the school board has made these decisions

With the childrens' best interests at heart

Based on guidance provided by the Texas Board of Education

Based on guidance from the Texas legislature.

Please don't try to out-think the Texas state legislature."

And then my imaginary conversation takes a turn for the worse

As I begin ranting about what the TX state legislature

Actually has in their heads instead of brains

And questioning the school drone's heritage

And finally ending with words that cross the lines of legality

And I get hauled off to jail

For threatening to "cleanse the gene pool".

So, instead of the conversation where I get all bent out of shape

Because the TX legislature says I gotta buy my kid a graphing calculator

So they can teach her how to push buttons

Instead of how to actually THINK

(GOD FORBID!)

I just bought her a graphing calculator.

And I do my best to teach her how to think at home.

She does her best to not learn from me.

But THAT'S another blog entry

For another day.

But none of that really matters...

Because the whole reason I posted today was that

One of the BILLIONS of readers of this blog

Chastised me

And I quote:

dude..you are a serious slacker in the blog department :P

And I'm nothing, if I'm not

A people-pleaser.

And thus you have today's blog entry.

(inanity - is it a word? check dictionary.com and learn something)



"Officer, I'm surprised you stopped me. They're having a 2-for-1 sale at Dunkin Donuts."