Short post

Big dilemma.

Aerosmith is coming in concert again.

I've been a faithful (ravenous?) fan since '77

When I first heard "Draw the Line"

On 8-track.

I was sad when they broke up in ('81)

I was confused when they got temporary replacement members

And recorded that one god-awful album ('82)

I was ecstatic when all the originals got back together ('84).

I've been in rock and roll heaven ever since.

Anyhoo, the dilemma:

Tickets are $45 for the cheap seats

$125 for the good seats.

My wife wants to go

And so does my youngest daughter.

That's three seats.

And due to current budget constraints

That's three CHEAP seats.

But

For almost the same price

I can get ONE good seat.

You see my dilemma.

I'm torn.




Thought for the day:
GIVE ME AMBIGUITY OR GIVE ME SOMETHING ELSE!

I have a new job.

It entails a bunch of duties that I'm not proficient at yet.

(Teach always said, "Don't end your sentences with a preposition"

That's why I put the word 'yet' at the end of the 2nd sentence.)

I'm a perfectionist

And I fear failure

And I fear looking silly to others.

(I also fear dinosaurs, but that's not really pertinent here)

So to have a job that I don't yet perform in an Earth-shaking manner

Produces much anxiety in me

And fear

And sleepless nights.

Which

In a roundabout way

Is why I'm posting to my favorite blog

(mine)

This fine Sunday morning.

This a.m. was yet another morn when I awoke to the sweet sweet sound

Of a million and one fearful thoughts rushing thru my head about the new job.

"Geez, what if I can't get the new computer software to work?"

"What about those reports that were due last week, but are still sitting on my desk?"

"What about all those meetings I'm supposed to have this week with people

Who think I know all about my job?

Will they find out that I'm a fake

And that I really don't know what I'm doing?"

And one of the worst:

"What if I wake up late, show up to work and realize that I forgot to put on my pants, everyone is pointing and laughing, I fall out of an airplane without a parachute, and then get chased by dinosaurs?"

(That last one is kind of a conglomeration (amalgamation?) of all my worst nightmares

Especially the dinosaurs.)

That's how the day started

At 5 a.m

On a Sunday.

Now that you have the scenario, let's get to what I really want to talk about this a.m...

With first cup of coffee firmly in hand

My hair still in the shape of the pillow I slept on

And the wonderful aroma of my unwashed body oozing thru the air about me

I thought I'd read up on my favorite blogs

Mine being the first one I checked, of course.

And, as usual, there were a plethora of new comments on my blog

Zero, to be exact.

ed note - does the word 'plethora' match the verb in the sentence above?

I'm not gonna tell ya.

Check out dictionary.com and learn somethin'.

So I moved on to my other two favorites

(see sidebar if you really MUST leave my blog)

And what did I see on someone else's blog?

You know the old adage

"Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery"?

Well, someone used a term in their blog

That I coined

In reference to a certain political organization.

ed note - mine is not a political blog

So I won't be telling you what the term was.

Too bad

Cuz you'd have giggled like a little schoolgirl.

Anyhoo, it put a big smile on my face this morning!

In the interest of maintaining anonymity

No names

Just first initials

D.

So I'd like to send a big shout out to

My blog buddy

Who has flattered me by imitation

And who has helped re-color my morning blues

To something of a more cheery hue

(ably assisted, of course, by my drug of choice - caffeine)

By using the word 'Repube' in her latest post.

Oops.

Damn!

Oh well, you may now giggle like a little schoolgirl.

...dinosaurs ...*yuck*






If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

So I did a quick statistical calculation of how many people visit my BLOG.

Using advanced theoretical mathematics

With many estimated variables

And huge gaps in logic

The number I came up with was too large to fit on my TI-30Xa calculator.

This is the same calculator, by the way,

For which I paid about 20 bucks about 15 years ago

And which got me through two semesters of calculus.

It is NOT a graphing calculator, thank you very much!

So imagine my amusement when my daughter's high school sends home a note

Telling me that students enrolled in algebra II and/or Physics

MUST have a graphing calculator for those classes.

My first reaction was to call the school

And give them a piece of my mind

(Obviously they needed it)

But then, I thought about how it might go...

JimBob: "Hi. I'm obviuosly an idiot parent of a student at your school.

I must be an idiot because I'm too stupid to just accept the inanity

Of the notes you send home with my daughter.

But, if you could,

Please

Just explain to me

In small words (cuz, remember I'm kinda dumb)

Why is it that you are mandating that my daughter own a 200$ calculator

For classes that I did with a slide-rule back when I took them?"

(ed note - true story. My Physics prof in high school would give an extra 10% bonus to anyone who took his exams with a slide rule. So we all learned how to use one. It's all about the decimal place...)

(ed note 2 - this is the same Physics prof who was quietly retired when it was discovered that he had a thing for the females in his classes...he was easily in his 50s...they were easily in their teens...this explains how my girlfriend always got such good grades even though, when we studied together, she seemed to comprehend Physics about as much as I comprehend why anyone would vote Republican. I think she's living in a trailer park somewhere now...)

Imaginary response from the drone at the school:

(Insert condescending tone here)

Drone: "Sir, the school board has made these decisions

With the childrens' best interests at heart

Based on guidance provided by the Texas Board of Education

Based on guidance from the Texas legislature.

Please don't try to out-think the Texas state legislature."

And then my imaginary conversation takes a turn for the worse

As I begin ranting about what the TX state legislature

Actually has in their heads instead of brains

And questioning the school drone's heritage

And finally ending with words that cross the lines of legality

And I get hauled off to jail

For threatening to "cleanse the gene pool".

So, instead of the conversation where I get all bent out of shape

Because the TX legislature says I gotta buy my kid a graphing calculator

So they can teach her how to push buttons

Instead of how to actually THINK

(GOD FORBID!)

I just bought her a graphing calculator.

And I do my best to teach her how to think at home.

She does her best to not learn from me.

But THAT'S another blog entry

For another day.

But none of that really matters...

Because the whole reason I posted today was that

One of the BILLIONS of readers of this blog

Chastised me

And I quote:

dude..you are a serious slacker in the blog department :P

And I'm nothing, if I'm not

A people-pleaser.

And thus you have today's blog entry.

(inanity - is it a word? check dictionary.com and learn something)



"Officer, I'm surprised you stopped me. They're having a 2-for-1 sale at Dunkin Donuts."