My bible has an extra book in it. Here's an excerpt:


The Book of Evil Vegetables Chapter 3, verses 16-25
...and so spake Jebediah to Jacob to Ezekial to Jeb to Ephram to his begotten wife. "Nay shalt thou cooketh of the vile green putrescence which is brocolli. For, verily, I sayeth, it cometh NOT from thine Lord, but from the Serpent himself. Beware that which is brocolli. However, I sayeth, verily, thou shalt partake of the fruit of the vine which is Spinach and which is blessed in mine sight, which hath been lovingly bestoweth upon thine heads by thine Lord God Almighty. Amen"
________________

Brocolli... *ugh*















A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.

Last post - 3 Jan 06.

Before that - 25 Dec 05.

I was getting dangerously close to becoming

Prolific.

I had to stop

Or at least slow down

Before I became a madman

And lost all control of my life.

...

So my youngest

(12 years old)

Is goth

(Yuck)

And she really likes heavy metal

(Not yuck).

Actually she and I share an affinity for things like

AC/DC

Korn

Evanescence

Rob Zombie

Black Sabbath

And others.

So when she came home one day

Ranting

Raving

About a group called

"Him"

I naturally thought I'd check it out.

So off I go to Best Buy

With jovial thoughts

Of mindless head-banging

Dancing in my skull.

Now being a college graduate

I easily locate "H"

Among the Pop/Rock CDs and in no time

I hold

In my hot little hands

A CD with a picture of some slimy guy on the cover

Who would truly make Jimmy Swaggart

And Jim Bakker

Vomit.

I'm happy.

So I pay the cashier

Sprint to the truck

Spend half an hour fighting the wrapping off the CD

And pop it in the player.

The first few notes of the first song

BLARE

LOUD

FAST

HARD

I'm in rock and roll ecstasy

For 3.8 seconds.

Then as soon as the orgy of sound started

It stopped.

Allofasudden I'm listening to somebody

Who wanted to be David Bowie.

Don't get me wrong.

I likes me some David Bowie.

In fact

"Golden Years"

ALWAYS gets me singing at the top of my lungs.

But it's like this:

When I want chocolate ice cream

I don't eat pizza.

Two different worlds.

...

Now the really bad part...

I was SO convinced

That this was gonna be great music

That I bought TWO of "Him"'s CDs

(yes the quotes are correct, snooty)

And they BOTH had the same sound.

Of course this was good news to my goth daughter

As she now has

Two brand new CDs

By Him.

...

Follow-up:

Very rarely in my life

Have I actually LOVED

A song

First time I heard it.

My earliest memory

Of this phenomenon:

I was a teenager

Listening to a RECORD

(You know - looks kind of like a CD, but it's big and black and there's music on BOTH sides...)

The song was

"Nobody's Fault"

I'll let you figger out who the group was.

(Research it

Buy the CD

It'll be worth your while)

Anywho, the latest event like this for me was the song

"Iron Head"

Rob Zombie.

Check it out.

...

Ed. Note - In truth, I don't really know if the quotes were correct. And in even MORE truth, I don't really give a [expletive deleted]...










Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight; it’s far more interesting that way.